The Job Interview: How To Apply Your Gunk
As you might have already guessed, this post is going to be pretty picture heavy. So turn your torrents off, and settle in.
I can't say I feel super awesome about putting up a picture of myself without any makeup on at all, but there is no point doing this unless I show you what I'm starting with. So here I am, completely nude faced. Also keep in mind with the following pictures that I did this on a sweltering hot day (I know, I'm a fucking genius) so it will most likely look less...sweaty if done in more ideal conditions.
Step 1 - Wash your face
I didn't take a picture of this because....well, seriously? I know I offer basic advice here, but there is a lower limit.
Step 2 - Put moisturiser on
Again, no picture for this because there's no great trick to it. Put your finger in the moisturiser pot, rub it on your face. If you accidentally put too much on and you feel greasy, pat your face with a towel.
Step 3 - Put concealer on
If you're using Erase Paste, you want to open your little tiny jar and either use the itty bitty spoon that comes with it, or dab a TINY bit on to the end of your finger, because a little goes a long way. Then you just dot it on to the areas under your eyes where the fact you stayed up last night arguing with people in the internet is showing.
You want to do this quite gently, because a) you don't want to bruise your poor battered under eyes any more than you have to, and b) if you use too much pressure you'll end up smooshing all the concealer out to your cheekbones, which will look GREAT, but leave your dark circles totally visible. When you're done, it should look something like this;
See how it blends quite smoothly out into my overall skin tone? This is what you're aiming for. You don't want to end up with reverse panda eyes - it's much better to use slightly too little and have more visible dark circles than to overdo it and end up looking like a Ganguro girl.
|This is all good fun, but will not fly in the average office.|
Next up, whatever you're going to slather on your skin. This part is probably best illustrated with video, but I haven't had time to sit down and do one. Luckily, it turns out there are a bunch of people on YouTube very happy to show you. Here is a video demonstrating how to apply foundation with your fingers .
And another for if you decided to go with BB Cream - happily this video is demonstrating the exact BB cream I recommended.
Just a note of warning here - you are probably best to let your face "set" for a minute or so before starting on this next step. But once you've taken a quick nervous stroll around your house, grab your palette, and let's get smearing! I'll be using my favourite brown palette. I may have bought it entirely because I am a tragic Milla Jovovich fangirl and it was really cheap, but it turns out it's also very excellent.
|I have seen ALL the Resident Evil movies.|
Now if you wanted to get really fancy you could use all three of the eyeshadow colours in here. But let's assume you're aiming lower than that, in which case we will only be using the really dark brown, and the slightly less dark brown. For those who are curious, the bottom section is a lipstick, and the top is a blush, neither of which I have EVER used.
All this part entails is smushing your finger into the eyeshadow, giving it a good rub around, and then rubbing the colour on your eyelids in the directions indicated below.
In case you can't see my shonky arrows properly, the basic gist of it is to smear the darkest colour from the corner of your eyelid towards the inner corner of your eye, fading it out so it's entirely smudged out about halfway across your eye. Try not to get it too far ooutside your actual eyelid, and if you do smudge it in good and proper so it fades out into your skin. Then get your lighter colour, and smear it from the inner corner of your eye towards the outer corner, so it meets where the darker colour is fading out. You want to be left with something that looks like this;
I've tested this technique on more Asian shaped eyes than mine as well, and it looks just as good. Because it's so subtle it really works with your face, whatever shape it is. It's also designed to be really smudgy and "smoky", so smearing it with your fingers actually works better than a brush.
Step 6 - Mascara
As with the foundation, this is an application process that is best described through song...er...video. Here is one that uses the same technique I do - there is no need to watch the entire four minutes though. I'm sure you can pick it up after the first 30 seconds or so. My only addition to her advice is that I would skip the lower lashes if you're on your way to an interview, because if you're going to fuck it up, that's where it will happen, and it's an enormous hassle to clean it up.
When I'm done with my mascara, this is how it looks. I think you'll see even from a distance it makes a big difference. If you have darker lashes than me (ie. everyone) you probably don't need to go crazy with the mascara - just a swipe or two will do it.
|This is without Revlon Lip Balm Stain|
|This is with Revlon Lip Balm Stain|
And we're done!
Look how employable I look! BWHAHAHAHAHAH! Little do they know, once I've passed my probation period my desk will be covered in figures like Murder Bear here;
And I'll be wearing outfits like this on Casual Friday;
And when people ask how my day is going, I'll reply, "I'm like a NINJA today!" and flail wildly in a dreadful approximation of a ninja move to indicate how many problems are coming at me and being deflected.
This makeup is designed to get me through the interview process, so they have a chance to realise that what I can do is worth how weird I am. Well, hopefully anyway!
What do you think of my advice? Am I right? Am I woefully wrong? Pipe up and let me know!